Alright, so maybe that’s Tony the Tiger’s pitch line for his HFCS infused cereal that is also sweetened with more sugar…  We’ll get to that in later posts.  In this one I want to talk about something that isn’t as quite as bad as Sunny Delight, but is marketed just about the same way to adults.

Kellogg’s® Nutri-Grain® Cereal Bars

Kellogg's® Nutri-Grain® Cereal Bars - Blueberry

I’m going to focus on the blueberry concoction in this post because that’s what we still have in our pantry.  We aren’t eating it, the box just sits there, half empty.  I thought about putting a Mr. Yuck sticker on it so the kids my wife watches during the day don’t reach for it.

Kellogg’s markets this little gem as a Blueberry filled cereal bar that is “Made with REAL fruit” and as having “MORE of the WHOLE GRAINS your body needs”.

More whole grains than what?  You would think a statement like that would need to be backed up.  Like, “MORE of the WHOLE GRAINS your body needs than BARK” or something like that.  But it’s not.  It’s just out there.  Sitting on the front of the box, calling to you from the shelf saying, “I’m healthy…  Eat me…”

Let’s see how healthy it really is.  I’ll do the same here that I did with Sunny D and break down the ingredients.  This will be a little more involved than Sunny D because there’s a lot more ingredients in these, but what the hell, it’s early on a Saturday and I really don’t want to help my wife with the dishes.

Here we go…  We’ll break it up like Kellogg’s does and look at the crust and then the filling, first up is the crust:

• WHOLE GRAIN ROLLED OATS – Alright!  Good stuff, we like whole grain rolled oats.  Good source of thiamine, iron, and dietary fiber and they have beta-glucan which helps Type 2 diabetics control their blood sugar level.  Well, that’s good thing because as you read on, you’ll see that they are gonna need all the whole grain rolled outs they can get if they eat this breakfast abortion.
• ENRICHED FLOUR – Here’s how this works.  It’s white flour.  During the processing to make white flour, the nutrients are lost.  The FDA requires they be put back in.  That’s what the list below is, it’s what it started as and what they put back into it.
  • WHEAT FLOUR – This is what it was.
  • NIACIN – also known as vitamin B3 or nicotinic acid. It’s good stuff, we need it, may prevent alzheimer’s like symptoms and has been proven to reverse atherosclerosis by reducing total cholesterol, triglyceride, very-low-density lipoprotein (VLDL), and low-density lipoprotein (LDL); and increasing high-density lipoprotein (HDL).
  • REDUCED IRON – Iron (II) fumarate.  Pure ferrous fumarate has an iron content of 32.87%. This means that one tablet of 300 mg iron fumarate will contain 105 mg of iron.  We need iron, it’s not a bad thing.
  • THIAMIN MONONITRATE [VITAMIN B1] - A vitamin of the vitamin B complex, found in meat, yeast, and the bran coat of grains, and necessary for carbohydrate metabolism and normal neural activity
  • RIBOFLAVIN [VITAMIN B2] – is an easily absorbed micronutrient with a key role in maintaining health in humans and animals.  We pee it out everyday so we need it to go back in.  It’s also used as a food coloring.
  • FOLIC ACID – Vitamin B9.  Another good one for us.  It does all sorts of good things like help women get pregnant and men from having a stroke trying to get women pregnant.
• WHOLE WHEAT FLOUR - Like the enriched flour above, this is not processed the same way, you’d think they could have just used this and not the enriched flour but what do I know?
• SUNFLOWER AND/OR SOYBEAN OIL WITH TBHQ FOR FRESHNESS – Sunflower oil, check AND/OR Soybean oil, check.  WTF is TBHQ? Tertiary butylhydropquinone.  Now you know why they just said TBHQ.  But what is it?  It’s a highly effective preservative for unsaturated vegetable oils and many edible animal fats.  It also has shown precursors to stomach tumors and damage to DNA in lab animals in high doses. 
• HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP – Again, we all know what this is by now but in case you don’t.  It’s a sweetener that is metabolised like ethanol in your body.  IT’S BAD FOR YOU!
• SUGAR – Because the HFCS just wasn’t sweet enough, they tossed in a little sugar.
• HONEY – Ugh…  As if the HFCS and sugar weren’t enough…  Honey is good stuff, why couldn’t they just use honey and nothing else?
• DEXTROSE – dextrorotatory glucose.  A monosaccharide (or simple sugar) that is a very important carbohydrate in biology.  Some would say that glucose is the essential fuel for ALL life forms on the earth.  It’s a sweetener, not a strong one, but it is yet another one in the long list of sweeteners in this thing.
• CALCIUM CARBONATE – This is a common substance found in rock in all parts of the world, and is the main component of shells of marine organisms, snails, pearls, and eggshells.  You’ll find it in antacids, tootpaste, etc.  It’s not bad for you.
• SOLUBLE CORN FIBER – This is a prebiotic fiber that is often used in sweeteners like Splenda.  It adds fiber to your cereal bar.  It’s clean tasting and dissolves in water.
• NONFAT DRY MILK – Not necessarily bad for you but if you remember the Chinese baby formula melamine scare, it was the “dry milk” substitute.  We don’t know where Kellogg’s got their dry milk but I guess we’ll have to trust them…
• WHEAT BRAN – Good stuff, has iron fiber and all that goodness the body needs.
• SALT – Okay, we do need salt.  About 2,400mg (just over 1 tsp) per day.  But just how much we are getting is something we overlook.  Just 1 Kellogg’s bar gives you 4% of your daily value.  Add 1 serving (8 oz) of Sunny D and you just got 11%.  It doesn’t take long to blow past your daily value of sodium.
• CELLULOSE – Okay, here’s the problem.  WHAT cellulose?  There are so many different kinds.  I’ll assume they are talking about the most common organic compound on earth type of cellulose.  It’s also used to make cardboard, paper, cellophane and rayon.  There are some who convert it to cellulosic ethanol to burn it as an alternative fuel.  I don’t know why it’s in your cereal bar.
• POTASSIUM BICARBONATE (LEAVENING) – It’s an odorless, tasteless salty substance that is used in baking.  It’s also used in dry chemical fire extinguishers.
• NATURAL AND ARTIFICIAL FLAVOR – Again, we don’t know what these are and I hate it that they don’t break this down.  Natural AND artificial WHAT?
• MONO- AND DIGLYCERIDES – Doubling up again…  monoglycerides are used in baking to improvevolume and create a smooth, soft crumb.  There is also on monoglyceride, 2-arachidonoylglycerol, which is a full agonist of the cannabinoid receptors.  Lucky us, anyone got the munchies?  Diglycerides, they use this to mix oil and water, or something like that which doesn’t like to be mixed.  It’s fairly common in baking.  Tonya has some for her cakes to mix the food coloring into the icing.
• PROPYLENE GLYCOL ESTERS OF FATTY ACIDS – Same as above.  They put a lot of this stuff in to get all the ingredients to mix well and look pretty in the wrapper.  Personally, I’m not so sure that’s a good thing.  If nature didn’t want it to mix, why are we forcing it?
• SOY LECITHIN – Oh yum.  It’s an emulsifier and a lubricant and is used in pharmaceuticals as a protective coating on pills.  This is the stuff they use in candy bars to keep cocoa and cocoa butter to stay mixed.  It’s not bad for you and some studies may show it’s a good thing but it’s gone back and forth with no real proof either way since the 1920s.
• WHEAT GLUTEN – It’s a stabilizing agent, a thickener that is created by washing wheat flour dough with water until the starch dissolves.  What’s left is an insoluble mass called, wheat gluten.  Wheat gluten can be found in a lot of things and sometimes in things you wouldn’t expect, like ice cream or ketchup which causes a problem for people with celiac disease.
• NIACINAMIDE – This is the amide of nicotonic acid (B3).  After they processed the flour they put niacin back in so I don’t know why they included this.  It has many uses, acne medicine, chemo-sensitizing agent and skin whitener.  All good things (if you’re white and have cancer) but I just don’t know why it’s in a cereal bar.
• SODIUM STEAROYL LACTYLATE – This is another emulsifier, a pretty common one and is popular because you don’t need as much of it as other emulsifiers, about 1/10th less.  Nothing bad has been discovered about this but again, why so many emulsifiers in this?
• VITAMIN A PALMITATE – This is an additive usually found in non-whole milks.  Perhaps that’s how it got in there but I see no mention of any dairy products…  Again, not bad, but why is it added.  You should have all the vitamins you need from the raw, natural product.
• CARRAGEENAN – This is a polysaccharide that is extracted from red seaweed.  It’s also used as a sexual lubricant and microbicide.  Yum.
• ZINC OXIDE – We need zinc.  Again, don’t know why it’s added.  It’s also used to prevent corrosion in nuclear reactors, cigarette filters, concrete and rubber manufacturing.
• REDUCED IRON – Not going to dive into that, iron is good, but again, why add it?
• GUAR GUM – This is usually the ground endosperm of guar beans.  I know, that sounds nasty doesn’t it?  I may do a whole separate article on guar gum but it appears that research does back and forth on it being good and bad.  I don’t know exactly what it is and I’ve never eaten a guar bean so other than being a way to get more bang for the dough buck, I don’t know why you’d eat it.
• PYRIDOXINE HYDROCHLORIDE (VITAMIN B6) – You know what this is.
• THIAMIN HYDROCHLORIDE (VITAMIN B1) – And this
• RIBOFLAVIN (VITAMIN B2) – And this.
• FOLIC ACID – And this…

WOW…  And that’s just the crust…  Again, there are a lot of “good” things in there, but if you didn’t process some of the ingredients so much, you wouldn’t have to add all that crap in there…

Now to the filling…

• HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP – Again?  So the crust is sweet, then the filling is sweet…
• CORN SYRUP – And because it just wasn’t sweet enough…
• BLUEBERRY PUREE CONCENTRATE – Okay, I like blueberries, I guess it is made WITH real fruit.
• GLYCERIN – My wife uses this in her icing,
• SUGAR – What!?  Are you kidding me?
• WATER – Okay…
• SODIUM ALGINATE - Sodium…  from algae.  It’s an emulsifier, a flavorless gum that increases viscosity.
• MODIFIED CORN STARCH – Because regular corn starch wasn’t good enough…
• NATURAL AND ARTIFICIAL FLAVOR – And what are these?  Who knows…
• CITRIC ACID – We all know what this is from the Sunny D article.
• METHYLCELLULOSE – this is a hydrophilic powder that dissolves in cold, but not hot water (cool!).  It’s used as a constipation treatment, is the main ingredient in K-Y Jelly (really?  two lubricants in one bar?), glue, and is the same stuff the Sea Shepherd uses to throw on the Japanese whaling boats to make the deck slippery.
• CALCIUM PHOSPHATE – This is the principal form of calcium found in bovine milk and is what most of your tooth enamel is made of.
• MALIC ACID – This is used to give the blueberry filling a tart taste.  It’s what makes unripe fruit taste sour.
• RED #40 – Also known as Allura Red AC.  This is one of those additives found by the British FSA to cause behavioral problems when mixed with sodium benzoate (which is in SunnyD).  It causes lower IQ and hyperactivity.  This food coloring was been phased out of the UK in 2009 and in the rest of the EU, this coloring is NOT recommended for consumption by children.  We don’t care if they eat it here…
• BLUE #1 – Brilliant Blue FCF.  This is one of the colorants that the Hyperactive Children’s Support Group and the Feingold Association recommends you eliminate from the diet of children.

Granted, there is a lot of healthy stuff in this thing but it’s masked over by HFCS on top of sugar on top of honey on top of more HFCS on top of sugar mixed with stuff that causes hyperactivity.

Sorry Kellogg’s,  this is NOT a health option, come on, 2 sex lubricants?